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Tag Archives: change

Are You in a Relationship with Yourself?

Relationships: They are a significant part of our Earth curriculum and they consist of friendships, romances, colleagues and family.  But how do relationships come about and why do we attract the people we do?

As you go in and out of your day-to-day, you are emitting energy.  Sometimes this energy is high vibrational, other times it is on the lower end of the spectrum.  Essentially when you attract someone, they are attracted to this energy force.  You will therefore attract people who mirror the level of consciousness you are at.  So, on some level, you are constantly in relationships with yourself.

The people that show up in your life are physical manifestations of an aspect of yourself.  Maybe it’s an aspect you most need to see, embrace, forgive or heal right now.

Likewise, when relationships end, it is due to a conflict in this once compatible energy level.  One person may be evolving at a faster rate, or one may be threatened by his or her own resistance to change.  But the shift is not to be taken personally; it is merely a reflection of awareness that is no longer a mirror image.

Other times individuals will admire our current level of evolvement and will rise to that occasion with us.  These are the friendships and partnerships that we feel compelled to cultivate.  They allow you the space to be more and more of who you are, and you get to enjoy growing and developing as souls into your fullness.

When your relationships begin to shift, do not react in fear.  It is the universe’s way of allowing that relationship to take a new form, in whatever form that may be, for each of your highest good.

If you enjoyed this article, you will also appreciate: “Life Doesn’t Get Better By Chance, It Gets Better By Change”. 

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When is It Time to End a Relationship?

Often, change is unsolicited. It’s sudden, it’s quick and it disrupts our equilibrium. It’s frightening, because one way we survive is by being able to predict our environment and our lives to adapt to that. When predictability disappears, so does our sense of personal safety. Our known existence, whether we liked it or not, is replaced by an unknown one, and we become fearful and disoriented, not knowing where to turn next.

But, change is a necessary part of life. Without change there would be no life at all. Our lives are actually fueled by change, though most of us want a certain amount of stability. When we begin to realize that change is not something to be feared and avoided, we can learn to let go of the fear of change.  Particularly, change in our relationships.

Beate Chelette is a successful career coach who has seen first-hand how interconnected our behavior patterns regarding our career path and personal relationships can be.  We are happy to share her insights for recognizing when it’s time to make a much needed change in the relationship department.

When Is It Time To End Certain Relationships?

By Beate Chelette

Most people we get to know in our lives aren’t meant to travel the whole road with us. We forget that sometimes, especially when there’s been a good connection, yet endings and new beginnings are the natural flow of life.

Impermanence is one of the toughest concepts to get a handle on, as if we ever can. The prospect of having to let go and move on from a friend, a lover, a spouse, maybe a close colleague, is tough stuff and we all go through it.  I love this quote from Buddhist nun, author and teacher Pema Chodron:

              That nothing is static or fixed, that all is fleeting and impermanent, is the first mark of existence. It is the ordinary state of affairs. Everything is in process. Everything—every tree, every blade of grass, all the animals, insects, human beings, buildings, the animate and the inanimate—is always changing, moment to moment.

Every year I ask myself: What does my spiritual and personal life look like? Where am I stuck?  Where can I improve? What worked and what didn’t and who is and isn’t supporting my emotional and spiritual growth? For me, it was a business-related discovery. I realized I wasn’t getting the support from my assistant and the marketing consultants I’d worked with for the past two years.

Admittedly, sadness comes along with the process of actually pruning some people from our lives.  With friends—and in business–a big one is losing trust when you can no longer rely on people to do what they say they’re going to do.  As the CEO of a busy business consulting firm, I want to feel confident that my team, all of them smart, likeable people, is following through on projects without my having to remind them.

How about the friend who competes with you and is jealous of your successes?  I’ve known women like that and as soon as my photo image licensing company took off, and I sold it to Bill Gates in 2006 for millions, I felt a chilly resentment from a couple of them. I stayed in these friendships way too long because of old ties, but it became clear that they were no longer on my side and I finally moved on, an emotional but liberating decision.

If you have a nagging suspicion that something is not right or needs to be changed, your instincts are probably correct. Maybe it’s time to make a few tweaks here and there, and challenge the world to keep up with you!

Here are a few ideas and techniques to help you close the doors on what is not working so you can let in things you want that are actually good for you.

Why we overstay some situations

The certainty we have seems to give us more comfort than putting ourselves out there and facing the uncertainty of what is still to come.

We fall into the trap of scarcity. What if there is not enough for me out there? What if I don’t attract new friends?  What if there is not enough business to sustain us all and every naysayer who predicted you wouldn’t be able to succeed, is right? Our thoughts have such a powerful impact on our lives and it’s essential that we stress the positive. Here’s why.

Is your fear that there isn’t enough of anything—prosperity, money, love—any different than you believing it to be the other way around? Why wouldn’t there be enough to go around?  Why wouldn’t there be someone or something even better?

Dreams and wishes

Be honest with yourself.  When your mind wanders, what do you dream about?  Is it about the life you currently have or do you see yourself in a second, much better life?

I certainly daydreamed about having a different life and this time, I did something about it. I hired new assistant, new consultants, and even started therapy to get the support I needed to create healthier business and personal relationships.

There’s no rule on how much you should get or have, how much you will be loved. Your contribution matters—it is you who determines what is or isn’t enough for you. You are worthy of greatness. And you are the one who defines what that is.  Do we have a deal?


Beate Chelette
is a respected career coach, consummate entrepreneur and founder of The Women’s Code, a unique guide to personal and career success that offers a new code of conduct for today’s business, private and digital world. Determined to build a community of women helping each other, after selling one of her companies, BeateWorks, to Bill Gates in 2006 for millions of dollars, Beate created The Women’s Code to share with women everywhere her strategies for success and leadership.

 

 

Are there certain resources you used when closing a relationship door?  Let us know about them.  We are always on the look out for soulful materials to add to our Amazon store

 If you liked this article, you will also enjoy: “What Your Intuition Wants to Tell You“. 

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Life Doesn’t Get Better by Chance: It Gets Better by Change

Accepting change requires letting go of how we think things should be, embracing what we have, and trusting that we will understand why change happens. Start by learning to accept the things we cannot change, changing the things we can, and having the wisdom to know the difference. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

We can all use more serenity in our lives, whether we pray for it or seek ways to create it from the inside out. Acceptance lightens us up by shifting those all too familiar and pesky heart-heavy feelings of resistance, and transmuting them into clarity and direction, time and time again.

Change isn’t all bad though. If you’re unemployed, and a job you’ve wanted becomes yours then change is more than welcome, isn’t it? Accepting change also triggers a series of realizations that one might not have been able to grasp without first accepting change, or life as it may be. If you’re wondering, how do we know when we are resisting change? Check in with your heart. Just as the heart sends good vibes and lets us know when we’re right on track, feelings of resistance weighs like a pressurized knot in the heart.

Vibrational cues are sent throughout our body to let us know whether consciously, subconsciously or unconsciously there are misaligned energies to pay attention to and release. If you are in a constant state of physical, mental or emotional dis-ease then you need to LISTEN UP. Your body never lies, but at times the mind can either be misleading or unable to grasp the actual energies, or undercurrent of energies, at work, so always check-in with your internal compass, your center, your heart, for the truth.

Practicing acceptance is a mindful exercise, and depending on what needs to be accepted or let go of, it can be downright elusive when we want to accept change the most. These six steps can help with accepting change peacefully:

1. Pause. Accept. Now, Be in the Moment.

It’s true, we’ve all thought about how we could’ve made different choices leading up to those tough times – but we had to have been operating altogether with a different awareness in order to do so. This means the frequency from which we were functioning in that moment had to be different. Knowing this now, do you feel more accepting of your past and present? If you notice a heightened shift in perspective, then the energy of your thoughts is shifting, opening your heart, subsiding your negative ego (while strengthening your positive ego) and tapping into a higher consciousness where acceptance and better choices are more accessible right in this very moment. Stick with it.

2. Acknowledge That Big ‘Ol Ego.

Undesirable change can be unsettling, especially when it involves matters of the heart. However, the uneasiness needn’t last for long. Once you experience acceptance, there is an undeniable energetic shift in your heart as much as a cerebral shift in perspective. It’s natural to feel pain but we needn’t suffer through it, unless masochism is your thing (totally cool if it is, no judgment here). Just realize that any kind of emotional and mental suffering is a function of major resistance to change that only our injured ego and heart can perform so well.

But, wait…there is relief! You see, the opposite is true too. Embracing change will bring you to a state of balance and upliftment. Be mindful and learn to identify the interconnectedness of the ego, its relationship to change and how this interplay mutes or expands the heart. Identifying this releases us and gives us the internal freedom that only we can initiate and cultivate, if we choose.

3. Live Honestly. Learn to Let Go.

Let’s not kid ourselves, mastering the art of acceptance is a constant work in progress that requires an honest inventory of the current status quo and making iterative improvements to better handle life’s ups and downs with strength and grace. The beauty is, once we’ve spent some time identifying and releasing what no longer serves us, we never lose sight of what we can achieve and what we’ve learned. Consider this the “Art of Getting Unstuck”. It’s a muddy process but well worth the effort once we clean ourselves up, begin to see the forest beyond the trees and live mindfully again.

4. Give Away What You Most Want.

Acceptance can be a difficult lesson to learn, especially if we have unresolved issues from childhood, such as consistently being faced with not being accepted one way or another: either by our parents, peers, or anyone who played a meaningful and crucial role in our young lives. However, the experiences we want the most – acceptance, patience, understanding, love, etc. – are the ones we must put into practice by freely giving these acts of kindness to ourselves and then others (practice makes perfect), especially during times of adversity. Easier said than done, initially, but never impossible.

5. Allow Your Character to Prevail.

As we strive to be more authentic and accepting of ourselves, people, events or circumstances, our true caliber comes into play when faced with elements we either wish to prevail or learn to embrace. The mind is a powerful, powerful tool – don’t let it mislead you. Your (re)actions should always serve to enhance your life not drain you of vitality. Be mindful of your disposition in every situation and stand in your power. If the temptation arises to close your heart and build a great energetic wall of China around yourself (I’ve been there many times, my karmic passport can show you the stamps), opt instead for this exercise: silently repeat the word ‘acceptance.’ You’ll be amazed how it instantly shifts you right to the center of your heart, the safe zone. Take flight from there!

6. Don’t Be a Turkey, Cultivate Thanks Giving.

If you haven’t been able to accept change by giving thanks for past experiences and the people involved, then the growth or realization that is required to learn and move on (ie, detach) from those experiences has yet to fully culminate the valuable lesson it brought. This leaves within you an unidentified aspect of yourself that you either aren’t aware of, don’t like, or have yet to fully understand. Understanding comes with realizing your world is 100% a reflection of you, a mirror aspect, in order to accept the deeper truths about who you are. Who you are beyond the limitations of pain and suffering is absolutely more gorgeous than any “Photoshopped” image, more powerful than all the currency in the world and more lovable than Boo the cutest dog in the galaxy (and he’s terribly cute, it’s unreal).

Change can be welcomed or unwelcomed as any experience that we had not hoped for, planned for, or somehow requires us to alter our life as we know it. If I’ve learned anything from accepting change by now it is that my inner life has greatly improved following change. If you’re seeing the same manure on different days, then freedom comes when we, at very least, recognize that patterns of self-defeating behavior do indeed repeat for our enlightenment until the message clicks and we move on.

Often times, we break patterns through repetition to align us with our true or empowered self and the life we’re meant to live. Change also serves as an exercise to make us resilient – not resistant – to it. So, the next time someone asks, “Got change?”, say ”Yes” and give them change with the consciousness that what you are gifting will indeed initiate positive change in both of your lives. If you can remember to do this consciously, then on some level you’ve accepted change as a multifaceted opportunity to create even more freedom and deeper happiness in all areas of your life. Wishing you peace of mind and heart on your journey!

These are some excellent tools to help accept change and manage stress with ease:

  • Meditation
  • Truth and Higher Teachings
  • Open Mindset: Positive, realistic and honest with an attitude of gratitude.
  • Breathing: correct and conscious.
  • Learning and Reading: Educate and entertain the ego through insight from “out there” [hello article]; eventually the insight gained will facilitate a shift at the core of who you are making you rely more on your inner wisdom.
  • Physical Activity and Music: separate or together, depending on how you feel!

 

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