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The Big Shift: How to Parent from Your Abundance instead of Your Lack

It’s time for a paradigm shift. We must occupy the role of the parent in a whole new way.

According to a 2007 UNICEF study, American kids rank the second unhappiest of all nations. In the UK, 1 in 10 children under 8 say they are unhappy.

As parents, we naturally and intuitively have dire concerns about how happy our kids are, and worry about the world that they grow up in, but we mostly place our focus on external factors such as other children, media, school and social norms. Very seldom do we look within ourselves, not as parents – but as individuals, and go deep into our own core to reveal how our own internal compass affects our children.

There is an emotional blueprint that we all come with, and it is our most valuable tool to becoming the best parents we can be.  If we want our children to be happy and thrive, to be kind and take care of others and the earth, we need to recognize that it starts with us.  We can’t expect our children to hold a higher consciousness if we do not look at how we define ourselves.

Shefali Tsabary, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist who has made it her life work to shift our parental consciousness. She knows well that now IS an incredibly hard time to be kid, and she has seen how our damage as adults affects our parenting. But she has some answers — and tours the world speaking about this shift in parental consciousness. She is author of multi-award-winning book, “The Conscious Parent.”

Her TEDxTalk is powerful, and one of our favorites:

(Video below the transcript):

What is it that emotionally paralyzes us as adults? How is it that we may thrive at this thing called life? Inevitably when we try to answer those questions, our story turns to childhood. And each of us speak of a similar theme; of a hunger only a parent can appease and of a thirst only a parent can quench.

We grapple with our childhood problems long into adulthood. We seek and yearn for approval from our parents even as adults. Many adults visit psychiatrists and beg for help, asking, “Am I whole? Am I worthy? Do I matter?”

But we arrive at that office with a blueprint that is almost impossible even for a psychiatrist to undo. Their words do not seep in because another voice has been internalized, the voice of their parents. Now try erasing that first blueprint. It becomes to be the way we define ourselves. It becomes the air we breathe. Parents: No one holds a greater power or more immense responsibility.

We need to occupy the role of parenthood in an entirely new way, with a new curiosity, a heightened awareness, and transformed commitment. There is nothing like parenthood that needs to be at the forefront of our global consciousness. It affects everything- how our children will thrive, how they take care of themselves, each other, the earth, show compassion, tolerate differences, innovate, create and transform the world. This is where global transformation begins. And it all starts with us. We can’t expect for our children to hold a higher consciousness if we do not embody one ourselves.

And today, our own children face challenges beyond what we ever could have imagined. Evidence suggests they are buckling under the pressure. According to the surgeon general’s office, 1 in 5 children have signs of a mental health disorder. That is a hair-raising statistic. There has been a 274% global increase in prescriptions of ADHD drugs to children. In a 2007 UNICEF study, American kids rank the second unhappiest of all nations. In the UK, 1 in 10 children under 8 say they are unhappy.

Something is clearly amiss. We need to sit up, pay attention, and raise our children differently. Now of course there are many societal factors that can be involved or blamed for these shocking problems and statistics. But nothing – no one – outside a parent could be more influential in making a positive difference.

We each hold trans formative power. In each moment- in the moments where nothing is glamorous; moments where we help them brush their teeth, do their homework, clean their room and wipe their tears, we can be present and make a difference. There is real science that shows how the parental influence impacts a child’s neuroscience.

It is understandable that no parent sets out to be evil. Each parent intends to give love to their child to the best of their current ability. There is only one reason a parent hurts a child. It’s because we are hurting ourselves (and we probably don’t even know it.) It’s because we are unconscious, and have inherited legacies of emotional baggage from our parents. It lies unconscious, dormant, waiting to be woken. Until we have children.

When we lose our tempers with our children, chances are we lash out at them reactively because it has triggered something within us, somewhere inside we want supremacy, something we could not control. When we nitpick at our children, it is not because they are inadequate; it is because of our inner lack, a reflection of something within us that does not feel good enough.

When our children are disrespectful, chances are it is not because they are wild and chaotic; it is because we ourselves have a problem with our leadership, with handling conflict order and with saying no.

Our children come to us whole, complete and worthy – they are happy with 2 sticks, a stone and a feather -but because we have been so conditioned so deeply in an unconscious manner, so severed from our presence and sense of abundance, we project a sense of lack on them. We say do not trust yourself, look outside of yourself. And we teach them to look outward at material objects. The Ferrari, corner office or spouse. We are consumed by “doing.” This is how we create our own value.

We teach them, you cannot just play, you achieve. You can’t just have a hobby, you must excel at it. You cannot just dream, you must dream big. What’s the point in dreaming if you don’t go big?

It’s time to change the spotlight and turn it inward. Change it from being the child who needs to be fixed into parental evolution is the solution. The extent to which we know ourselves is the extent to which our children will. The extent we parents can love deeply, laugh loudly, risk bravely and lose freely -is the extent to which our children will know joy and freedom.

We can no longer play the role as the parent as “the greater than.” We must look at the children as our equal transforming agents. They are our teachers, our awakeners. It is time to answer the call -we must pause reflect more, listen, connect to our own abundance. Trust our children, understand their brilliance, allow their lead to self-love, to create purpose, to enter worth, to be in gratitude – because this is how our children will absorb wholeness and fullness and abundance. And from this place they can fly free.

We must answer our call to our own awakening. The moment is now and our children await.

I know that making some changes in my house is not going to be easy, but I’m going to start with consuming less…clothes, toys, beauty products, etc – and start spending more time outside in nature with the kids.  Does this talk hit home for you?  Where will you start? 

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The Man Who Lives Without Money

how to live without money

Irishman Mark Boyle gave up his job, yacht, fancy dinners and tried to live life with no income, no bank balance and no spending. And here’s how he does it.

If someone told me seven years ago, in my final year of a business and economics degree, that I’d now be living without money, I’d have probably choked on my microwaved ready meal. The plan back then was to get a ‘good’ job, make as much money as possible, and buy the stuff that would show society I was successful.

For a while I did it – I had a fantastic job managing a big organic food company; had myself a yacht on the harbor. If it hadn’t been for the chance purchase of a video called Gandhi, I’d still be doing it today. Instead, for the last fifteen months, I haven’t spent or received a single penny. Zilch.

The change in life path came one evening on the yacht whilst philosophizing with a friend over a glass of merlot. Whilst I had been significantly influenced by the Mahatma’s quote “be the change you want to see in the world”, I had no idea what that change was up until then. We began talking about all major issues in the world – environmental destruction, resource wars, factory farms, sweatshop labour – and wondering which of these we would be best devoting our time to. Not that we felt we could make any difference, being two small drops in a highly polluted ocean.

But that evening I had a realization. These issues weren’t as unrelated as I had previously thought – they had a common root cause. I believe the fact that we no longer see the direct repercussions our purchases have on the people, environment and animals they affect is the factor that unites these problems.

The degrees of separation between the consumer and the consumed have increased so much that it now means we’re completely unaware of the levels of destruction and suffering embodied in the ‘stuff’ we buy.

Very few people actually want to cause suffering to others; most just don’t have any idea that they directly are. The tool that has enabled this separation is money, especially in its globalized format.

Take this for an example: if we grew our own food, we wouldn’t waste a third of it as we do today.

If we made our own tables and chairs, we wouldn’t throw them out the moment we changed the interior décor.

If we had to clean our own drinking water, we probably wouldn’t shit in it.

So to be the change I wanted to see in the world, it unfortunately meant I was going to have to give up money, which I decided to do for a year initially. So I made a list of the basics I’d need to survive. I adore food, so it was at the top. There are four legs to the food-for-free table: foraging wild food, growing your own, bartering and using waste grub, of which there far too much.

On my first day I fed 150 people a three course meal with waste and foraged food. Most of the year I ate my own crops though and waste only made up about five per cent my diet. I cooked outside – rain or shine – on a rocket stove.

Next up was shelter. So I got myself a caravan from Freecycle, parked it on an organic farm I was volunteering with, and kitted it out to be off the electricity grid. I’d use wood I either coppiced or scavenged to heat my humble abode in a wood burner made from an old gas bottle, and I had a compost loo to make ‘humanure’ for my veggies.

I bathed in a river, and for toothpaste I used washed up cuttlefish bone with wild fennel seeds, an oddity for a vegan. For loo roll I’d relieve the local newsagents of its papers (I once wiped my arse with a story about myself); it wasn’t double quilted but it quickly became normal. To get around I had a bike and trailer, and the 55 km commute to the city doubled up as my gym subscription. For lighting I’d use beeswax candles.

Many people label me an anti-capitalist. Whilst I do believe capitalism is fundamentally flawed, requiring infinite growth on a finite planet, I am not anti anything. I am pro-nature, pro-community and pro-happiness. And that’s the thing I don’t get – if all this consumerism and environmental destruction brought happiness, it would make some sense. But all the key indicators of unhappiness – depression, crime, mental illness, obesity, suicide and so on are on the increase. More money it seems, does not equate to more happiness.

Ironically, I have found this year to be the happiest of my life. I’ve more friends in my community than ever, I haven’t been ill since I began, and I’ve never been fitter. I’ve found that friendship, not money, is real security. That most western poverty is spiritual. And that independence is really interdependence.

Could we all live like this tomorrow? No. It would be a catastrophe, we are too addicted to both it and cheap energy, and have managed to build an entire global infrastructure around the abundance of both. But if we devolved decision making and re-localised down to communities of no larger than 150 people, then why not? For over 90 per cent of our time on this planet, a period when we lived much more ecologically, we lived without money. Now we are the only species to use it, probably because we are the species most out of touch with nature.

People now often ask me what is missing compared to my old world of lucre and business. Stress. Traffic-jams. Bank statements. Utility bills. Oh yeah, and the odd pint of organic ale with my mates down the local.

 

Source: WorldObserverOnline

 

 

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Life Doesn’t Get Better by Chance: It Gets Better by Change

Accepting change requires letting go of how we think things should be, embracing what we have, and trusting that we will understand why change happens. Start by learning to accept the things we cannot change, changing the things we can, and having the wisdom to know the difference. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

We can all use more serenity in our lives, whether we pray for it or seek ways to create it from the inside out. Acceptance lightens us up by shifting those all too familiar and pesky heart-heavy feelings of resistance, and transmuting them into clarity and direction, time and time again.

Change isn’t all bad though. If you’re unemployed, and a job you’ve wanted becomes yours then change is more than welcome, isn’t it? Accepting change also triggers a series of realizations that one might not have been able to grasp without first accepting change, or life as it may be. If you’re wondering, how do we know when we are resisting change? Check in with your heart. Just as the heart sends good vibes and lets us know when we’re right on track, feelings of resistance weighs like a pressurized knot in the heart.

Vibrational cues are sent throughout our body to let us know whether consciously, subconsciously or unconsciously there are misaligned energies to pay attention to and release. If you are in a constant state of physical, mental or emotional dis-ease then you need to LISTEN UP. Your body never lies, but at times the mind can either be misleading or unable to grasp the actual energies, or undercurrent of energies, at work, so always check-in with your internal compass, your center, your heart, for the truth.

Practicing acceptance is a mindful exercise, and depending on what needs to be accepted or let go of, it can be downright elusive when we want to accept change the most. These six steps can help with accepting change peacefully:

1. Pause. Accept. Now, Be in the Moment.

It’s true, we’ve all thought about how we could’ve made different choices leading up to those tough times – but we had to have been operating altogether with a different awareness in order to do so. This means the frequency from which we were functioning in that moment had to be different. Knowing this now, do you feel more accepting of your past and present? If you notice a heightened shift in perspective, then the energy of your thoughts is shifting, opening your heart, subsiding your negative ego (while strengthening your positive ego) and tapping into a higher consciousness where acceptance and better choices are more accessible right in this very moment. Stick with it.

2. Acknowledge That Big ‘Ol Ego.

Undesirable change can be unsettling, especially when it involves matters of the heart. However, the uneasiness needn’t last for long. Once you experience acceptance, there is an undeniable energetic shift in your heart as much as a cerebral shift in perspective. It’s natural to feel pain but we needn’t suffer through it, unless masochism is your thing (totally cool if it is, no judgment here). Just realize that any kind of emotional and mental suffering is a function of major resistance to change that only our injured ego and heart can perform so well.

But, wait…there is relief! You see, the opposite is true too. Embracing change will bring you to a state of balance and upliftment. Be mindful and learn to identify the interconnectedness of the ego, its relationship to change and how this interplay mutes or expands the heart. Identifying this releases us and gives us the internal freedom that only we can initiate and cultivate, if we choose.

3. Live Honestly. Learn to Let Go.

Let’s not kid ourselves, mastering the art of acceptance is a constant work in progress that requires an honest inventory of the current status quo and making iterative improvements to better handle life’s ups and downs with strength and grace. The beauty is, once we’ve spent some time identifying and releasing what no longer serves us, we never lose sight of what we can achieve and what we’ve learned. Consider this the “Art of Getting Unstuck”. It’s a muddy process but well worth the effort once we clean ourselves up, begin to see the forest beyond the trees and live mindfully again.

4. Give Away What You Most Want.

Acceptance can be a difficult lesson to learn, especially if we have unresolved issues from childhood, such as consistently being faced with not being accepted one way or another: either by our parents, peers, or anyone who played a meaningful and crucial role in our young lives. However, the experiences we want the most – acceptance, patience, understanding, love, etc. – are the ones we must put into practice by freely giving these acts of kindness to ourselves and then others (practice makes perfect), especially during times of adversity. Easier said than done, initially, but never impossible.

5. Allow Your Character to Prevail.

As we strive to be more authentic and accepting of ourselves, people, events or circumstances, our true caliber comes into play when faced with elements we either wish to prevail or learn to embrace. The mind is a powerful, powerful tool – don’t let it mislead you. Your (re)actions should always serve to enhance your life not drain you of vitality. Be mindful of your disposition in every situation and stand in your power. If the temptation arises to close your heart and build a great energetic wall of China around yourself (I’ve been there many times, my karmic passport can show you the stamps), opt instead for this exercise: silently repeat the word ‘acceptance.’ You’ll be amazed how it instantly shifts you right to the center of your heart, the safe zone. Take flight from there!

6. Don’t Be a Turkey, Cultivate Thanks Giving.

If you haven’t been able to accept change by giving thanks for past experiences and the people involved, then the growth or realization that is required to learn and move on (ie, detach) from those experiences has yet to fully culminate the valuable lesson it brought. This leaves within you an unidentified aspect of yourself that you either aren’t aware of, don’t like, or have yet to fully understand. Understanding comes with realizing your world is 100% a reflection of you, a mirror aspect, in order to accept the deeper truths about who you are. Who you are beyond the limitations of pain and suffering is absolutely more gorgeous than any “Photoshopped” image, more powerful than all the currency in the world and more lovable than Boo the cutest dog in the galaxy (and he’s terribly cute, it’s unreal).

Change can be welcomed or unwelcomed as any experience that we had not hoped for, planned for, or somehow requires us to alter our life as we know it. If I’ve learned anything from accepting change by now it is that my inner life has greatly improved following change. If you’re seeing the same manure on different days, then freedom comes when we, at very least, recognize that patterns of self-defeating behavior do indeed repeat for our enlightenment until the message clicks and we move on.

Often times, we break patterns through repetition to align us with our true or empowered self and the life we’re meant to live. Change also serves as an exercise to make us resilient – not resistant – to it. So, the next time someone asks, “Got change?”, say ”Yes” and give them change with the consciousness that what you are gifting will indeed initiate positive change in both of your lives. If you can remember to do this consciously, then on some level you’ve accepted change as a multifaceted opportunity to create even more freedom and deeper happiness in all areas of your life. Wishing you peace of mind and heart on your journey!

These are some excellent tools to help accept change and manage stress with ease:

  • Meditation
  • Truth and Higher Teachings
  • Open Mindset: Positive, realistic and honest with an attitude of gratitude.
  • Breathing: correct and conscious.
  • Learning and Reading: Educate and entertain the ego through insight from “out there” [hello article]; eventually the insight gained will facilitate a shift at the core of who you are making you rely more on your inner wisdom.
  • Physical Activity and Music: separate or together, depending on how you feel!

 

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Sunburst Online

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You are invited to be a part of the Sunburst experience! Nurture your body, mind and spirit with soul-awakening teachings. Enjoy meditation services, workshops, retreats and events at Sunburst Sanctuary, set amidst abundant natural beauty and cared for by a cooperative community.

May it support your quest for a deeper sense of connectedness and fulfillment in your life.

Sunburst is dedicated to personal and planetary awakening and transformation through spiritual practice, conscious living and sustainable Earth stewardship. Our purpose is to nurture each seeker’s direct experience of the divine. This is Self-realization! We are cooperative communities of men, women and children and a global intentional fellowship. Our endeavors include organic gardening and farming and a Sanctuary dedicated to higher learning and conscious living. Founded in 1969, our universal teachings are based upon the message of founder Norman Paulsen and his teacher Paramahansa Yogananda. Explore our site – discover soul-awakening teachings. Visit Sunburst Sanctuary, set amidst abundant natural beauty and cared for by a cooperative community. Enjoy the friendship of like-minded souls; partake in meditation services, retreats, workshops and events. Welcome!

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