Often, change is unsolicited. It’s sudden, it’s quick and it disrupts our equilibrium. It’s frightening, because one way we survive is by being able to predict our environment and our lives to adapt to that. When predictability disappears, so does our sense of personal safety. Our known existence, whether we liked it or not, is replaced by an unknown one, and we become fearful and disoriented, not knowing where to turn next.
But, change is a necessary part of life. Without change there would be no life at all. Our lives are actually fueled by change, though most of us want a certain amount of stability. When we begin to realize that change is not something to be feared and avoided, we can learn to let go of the fear of change. Particularly, change in our relationships.
Beate Chelette is a successful career coach who has seen first-hand how interconnected our behavior patterns regarding our career path and personal relationships can be. We are happy to share her insights for recognizing when it’s time to make a much needed change in the relationship department.
When Is It Time To End Certain Relationships?
By Beate Chelette
Most people we get to know in our lives aren’t meant to travel the whole road with us. We forget that sometimes, especially when there’s been a good connection, yet endings and new beginnings are the natural flow of life.
Impermanence is one of the toughest concepts to get a handle on, as if we ever can. The prospect of having to let go and move on from a friend, a lover, a spouse, maybe a close colleague, is tough stuff and we all go through it. I love this quote from Buddhist nun, author and teacher Pema Chodron:
That nothing is static or fixed, that all is fleeting and impermanent, is the first mark of existence. It is the ordinary state of affairs. Everything is in process. Everything—every tree, every blade of grass, all the animals, insects, human beings, buildings, the animate and the inanimate—is always changing, moment to moment.
Every year I ask myself: What does my spiritual and personal life look like? Where am I stuck? Where can I improve? What worked and what didn’t and who is and isn’t supporting my emotional and spiritual growth? For me, it was a business-related discovery. I realized I wasn’t getting the support from my assistant and the marketing consultants I’d worked with for the past two years.
Admittedly, sadness comes along with the process of actually pruning some people from our lives. With friends—and in business–a big one is losing trust when you can no longer rely on people to do what they say they’re going to do. As the CEO of a busy business consulting firm, I want to feel confident that my team, all of them smart, likeable people, is following through on projects without my having to remind them.
How about the friend who competes with you and is jealous of your successes? I’ve known women like that and as soon as my photo image licensing company took off, and I sold it to Bill Gates in 2006 for millions, I felt a chilly resentment from a couple of them. I stayed in these friendships way too long because of old ties, but it became clear that they were no longer on my side and I finally moved on, an emotional but liberating decision.
If you have a nagging suspicion that something is not right or needs to be changed, your instincts are probably correct. Maybe it’s time to make a few tweaks here and there, and challenge the world to keep up with you!
Here are a few ideas and techniques to help you close the doors on what is not working so you can let in things you want that are actually good for you.
Why we overstay some situations
The certainty we have seems to give us more comfort than putting ourselves out there and facing the uncertainty of what is still to come.
We fall into the trap of scarcity. What if there is not enough for me out there? What if I don’t attract new friends? What if there is not enough business to sustain us all and every naysayer who predicted you wouldn’t be able to succeed, is right? Our thoughts have such a powerful impact on our lives and it’s essential that we stress the positive. Here’s why.
Is your fear that there isn’t enough of anything—prosperity, money, love—any different than you believing it to be the other way around? Why wouldn’t there be enough to go around? Why wouldn’t there be someone or something even better?
Dreams and wishes
Be honest with yourself. When your mind wanders, what do you dream about? Is it about the life you currently have or do you see yourself in a second, much better life?
I certainly daydreamed about having a different life and this time, I did something about it. I hired new assistant, new consultants, and even started therapy to get the support I needed to create healthier business and personal relationships.
There’s no rule on how much you should get or have, how much you will be loved. Your contribution matters—it is you who determines what is or isn’t enough for you. You are worthy of greatness. And you are the one who defines what that is. Do we have a deal?
Beate Chelette is a respected career coach, consummate entrepreneur and founder of The Women’s Code, a unique guide to personal and career success that offers a new code of conduct for today’s business, private and digital world. Determined to build a community of women helping each other, after selling one of her companies, BeateWorks, to Bill Gates in 2006 for millions of dollars, Beate created The Women’s Code to share with women everywhere her strategies for success and leadership.
Are there certain resources you used when closing a relationship door? Let us know about them. We are always on the look out for soulful materials to add to our Amazon store.
If you liked this article, you will also enjoy: “What Your Intuition Wants to Tell You“.