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Tag Archives: self-confidence

Mindful Parenting

For many generations, parents and educational institutions have taught that children shouldn’t have their own opinions or voice.   We were to be seen, but not heard.   But now, as adults, many of us are going through our own un-schooling of these ways that we were raised, and learning compassion for ourselves in our parenting journey along the way.  Here is a great article on that subject, from Dr. Marcy Cole, one of our favorite authors and speakers.  For any of you raised in the Mid-west, where to show pride or brag is to sin, this is especially enlightening.

If you peruse the literature on female development, you may notice that there is a common thread regarding how many young girls often lose their voice by the age of 10. They are exposed to messages to be “sugar and spice and everything nice,” to be “seen and not heard,” to “look pretty.” So what happens when we don’t look so pretty, when we have feelings that are not so “nice,” when we do have a voice that may or may not agree, and when we do want to shine and share our light? For many little girls, they begin to refrain from accessing their opinions and preferences and from expressing their authentic feelings. Slowly these young women become “other-directed” rather than “self-directed.” The consequence in adulthood, from this cumulative disconnect and self-neglect, can lead to resentment, confusion and depression. But there is always an opportunity for an awakening, reminding us of what we knew from the beginning and of how precious we really are.

This is a story that offers parents a jewel of wisdom to share with their daughters and sons, and reminds us grown-ups where our true pride lies.

When my niece was 13 years old, I called her after a school play to ask her how it went. “It was great,” she exclaimed. “I was really proud of my performance!” When I was in junior high school, sharing in this way would have been considered boastful or “stuck-up.” When my sister got on the phone, I told her how incredible it was that my niece could really celebrate and acknowledge herself, at an age when young girls often begin to dim their light to be accepted and not perceived as “conceited.” She told me something that I vowed to share with as many parents as possible: “When my kids were small, I made a conscious decision to never say, ‘I’m proud of you.’ Instead, I have always said to them, ‘You must be so proud of yourself.’”

I was immediately struck by the power of these words. My sister’s decision was not only insightful but so profound. This approach helps children realize, from a young age, that their true compass and locus of truth, approval and love always lies within themselves.

I’ve been spreading the gift of these words of wisdom ever since, encouraging parents to consistently use this reflective mirroring back to your children, not just about their accomplishments but “just because.” “You must be so proud of the person that you are. I am so glad you are here and love you so much.” Can you imagine hearing that or saying that to ourselves everyday? It’s a beautiful reminder to us all.

So when was the last time you gave yourself, as my friend Lisa Greenfield calls it, some “toothbrush love” in the morning mirror?

Be proud of who you are.

Be proud that you are here.

That makes you a living miracle.

This Little Light of Mine…I’m gonna let it shine….

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. (Marianne Williamson)


Marcy Cole, Ph.D., L.C.S.W. is a holistic psychotherapist, speaker, workshop facilitator and bestselling co-author of “Living Proof: Celebrating the Gifts That Come Wrapped in Sandpaper.” Over the last 15 years, she has developed an extensive private practice with adults, couples and families. Her approach integrates Western and Eastern perspectives on achieving optimal health and well-being.

Dr. Cole’s office is at the Wheel of Wellbeing in Los Angeles, Calif.

Marcy is also the founder and Executive Director of First Tuesday USA LLC, a national women’s organization dedicated to creating a sense of community amongst extraordinary women through social connectivity, professional networking and social service.

You can purchase her book here:

Follow Marcy Cole, Ph.D. on Twitter:

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Life Doesn’t Get Better by Chance: It Gets Better by Change

Accepting change requires letting go of how we think things should be, embracing what we have, and trusting that we will understand why change happens. Start by learning to accept the things we cannot change, changing the things we can, and having the wisdom to know the difference. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

We can all use more serenity in our lives, whether we pray for it or seek ways to create it from the inside out. Acceptance lightens us up by shifting those all too familiar and pesky heart-heavy feelings of resistance, and transmuting them into clarity and direction, time and time again.

Change isn’t all bad though. If you’re unemployed, and a job you’ve wanted becomes yours then change is more than welcome, isn’t it? Accepting change also triggers a series of realizations that one might not have been able to grasp without first accepting change, or life as it may be. If you’re wondering, how do we know when we are resisting change? Check in with your heart. Just as the heart sends good vibes and lets us know when we’re right on track, feelings of resistance weighs like a pressurized knot in the heart.

Vibrational cues are sent throughout our body to let us know whether consciously, subconsciously or unconsciously there are misaligned energies to pay attention to and release. If you are in a constant state of physical, mental or emotional dis-ease then you need to LISTEN UP. Your body never lies, but at times the mind can either be misleading or unable to grasp the actual energies, or undercurrent of energies, at work, so always check-in with your internal compass, your center, your heart, for the truth.

Practicing acceptance is a mindful exercise, and depending on what needs to be accepted or let go of, it can be downright elusive when we want to accept change the most. These six steps can help with accepting change peacefully:

1. Pause. Accept. Now, Be in the Moment.

It’s true, we’ve all thought about how we could’ve made different choices leading up to those tough times – but we had to have been operating altogether with a different awareness in order to do so. This means the frequency from which we were functioning in that moment had to be different. Knowing this now, do you feel more accepting of your past and present? If you notice a heightened shift in perspective, then the energy of your thoughts is shifting, opening your heart, subsiding your negative ego (while strengthening your positive ego) and tapping into a higher consciousness where acceptance and better choices are more accessible right in this very moment. Stick with it.

2. Acknowledge That Big ‘Ol Ego.

Undesirable change can be unsettling, especially when it involves matters of the heart. However, the uneasiness needn’t last for long. Once you experience acceptance, there is an undeniable energetic shift in your heart as much as a cerebral shift in perspective. It’s natural to feel pain but we needn’t suffer through it, unless masochism is your thing (totally cool if it is, no judgment here). Just realize that any kind of emotional and mental suffering is a function of major resistance to change that only our injured ego and heart can perform so well.

But, wait…there is relief! You see, the opposite is true too. Embracing change will bring you to a state of balance and upliftment. Be mindful and learn to identify the interconnectedness of the ego, its relationship to change and how this interplay mutes or expands the heart. Identifying this releases us and gives us the internal freedom that only we can initiate and cultivate, if we choose.

3. Live Honestly. Learn to Let Go.

Let’s not kid ourselves, mastering the art of acceptance is a constant work in progress that requires an honest inventory of the current status quo and making iterative improvements to better handle life’s ups and downs with strength and grace. The beauty is, once we’ve spent some time identifying and releasing what no longer serves us, we never lose sight of what we can achieve and what we’ve learned. Consider this the “Art of Getting Unstuck”. It’s a muddy process but well worth the effort once we clean ourselves up, begin to see the forest beyond the trees and live mindfully again.

4. Give Away What You Most Want.

Acceptance can be a difficult lesson to learn, especially if we have unresolved issues from childhood, such as consistently being faced with not being accepted one way or another: either by our parents, peers, or anyone who played a meaningful and crucial role in our young lives. However, the experiences we want the most – acceptance, patience, understanding, love, etc. – are the ones we must put into practice by freely giving these acts of kindness to ourselves and then others (practice makes perfect), especially during times of adversity. Easier said than done, initially, but never impossible.

5. Allow Your Character to Prevail.

As we strive to be more authentic and accepting of ourselves, people, events or circumstances, our true caliber comes into play when faced with elements we either wish to prevail or learn to embrace. The mind is a powerful, powerful tool – don’t let it mislead you. Your (re)actions should always serve to enhance your life not drain you of vitality. Be mindful of your disposition in every situation and stand in your power. If the temptation arises to close your heart and build a great energetic wall of China around yourself (I’ve been there many times, my karmic passport can show you the stamps), opt instead for this exercise: silently repeat the word ‘acceptance.’ You’ll be amazed how it instantly shifts you right to the center of your heart, the safe zone. Take flight from there!

6. Don’t Be a Turkey, Cultivate Thanks Giving.

If you haven’t been able to accept change by giving thanks for past experiences and the people involved, then the growth or realization that is required to learn and move on (ie, detach) from those experiences has yet to fully culminate the valuable lesson it brought. This leaves within you an unidentified aspect of yourself that you either aren’t aware of, don’t like, or have yet to fully understand. Understanding comes with realizing your world is 100% a reflection of you, a mirror aspect, in order to accept the deeper truths about who you are. Who you are beyond the limitations of pain and suffering is absolutely more gorgeous than any “Photoshopped” image, more powerful than all the currency in the world and more lovable than Boo the cutest dog in the galaxy (and he’s terribly cute, it’s unreal).

Change can be welcomed or unwelcomed as any experience that we had not hoped for, planned for, or somehow requires us to alter our life as we know it. If I’ve learned anything from accepting change by now it is that my inner life has greatly improved following change. If you’re seeing the same manure on different days, then freedom comes when we, at very least, recognize that patterns of self-defeating behavior do indeed repeat for our enlightenment until the message clicks and we move on.

Often times, we break patterns through repetition to align us with our true or empowered self and the life we’re meant to live. Change also serves as an exercise to make us resilient – not resistant – to it. So, the next time someone asks, “Got change?”, say ”Yes” and give them change with the consciousness that what you are gifting will indeed initiate positive change in both of your lives. If you can remember to do this consciously, then on some level you’ve accepted change as a multifaceted opportunity to create even more freedom and deeper happiness in all areas of your life. Wishing you peace of mind and heart on your journey!

These are some excellent tools to help accept change and manage stress with ease:

  • Meditation
  • Truth and Higher Teachings
  • Open Mindset: Positive, realistic and honest with an attitude of gratitude.
  • Breathing: correct and conscious.
  • Learning and Reading: Educate and entertain the ego through insight from “out there” [hello article]; eventually the insight gained will facilitate a shift at the core of who you are making you rely more on your inner wisdom.
  • Physical Activity and Music: separate or together, depending on how you feel!


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DBG: March 16

A great reminder, when balancing relating to co-workers…friends…family. We often hold ourselves back, worried about what other think.

via Ralph Marston, The Daily Motivator

Let the joy flow

You don’t need to control others, because you can exercise
full control over you. You don’t have to gain advantage over
others, because you have the unmatched advantage of being

Read More…

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