Visit Us On FacebookVisit Us On TwitterVisit Us On PinterestVisit Us On Google Plus
Tag Archives: Valentine’s Day

10 Things to Do if You Are Alone on Valentine’s Day:

‘You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are, and that person is not to be found anywhere.  You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.’

–Buddha

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and if you are unmarried, you are part of 50% of the American public that is likely to feel left out at this time of the year.  If you have no significant other, you join millions of Americans whose numbers continue to grow.  Despite this fact, advertisers stage massive campaigns that equate love and affection with lavishing loved ones with material things.  These campaigns increase fear and anxiety about being alone, in addition to perpetuating heterosexism and limited cultural notions about love relationships.

Here are some helpful recommendations from couples and family therapist, Joe Elliott, for building a more conscious relationship to the pressures at this particular time.

  1. Be grateful for how far you have come, reflect on your own path, and look for evidence of how you have stayed true to your values by remaining single.  Journal or sit quietly to reflect on this issue.
  1. Connect with family members; nieces, nephews, brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers.  Spend time with those who have known you for a long time that can help provide counsel to you.
  1. Connect with friends, plan a get together and give yourself a chance to share about past relationships that you are no longer in that were unhealthy.
  1. Spend time with animals or in nature.  Spending time with a familiar pet can help us to feel needed and spending time in familiar places in nature helps us to feel embraced and less alone.
  1. Engage in meditation or yoga practice.  It will help to deal with the natural, human desire to be with someone and to develop the strength to examine it with skill and care. Contemplative practice can also help you to experience the love of something divine.
  1. Cook yourself a meal. Food is good medicine. Consider making a meal that leads you to feel a sense of comfort and nourishment.
  1. Masturbate – Get in touch with how it feels to be touched, caressed, and sexually excited so that the next time you are with a partner, you can help show them how to turn you on.
  1. Take a break from technology and advertising -give yourself an opportunity to avoid the bombardment by consumer culture that plays on our anxiety and fears about being alone.
  1. Practice self care. Get a massage, a haircut, or spend time at a spa.
  1. Take amusement at the hype. Go to a local drug store or supermarket and take delight in the fact that your affections are not being bargained for with teddy bears, helium balloons, cheap chocolate, and sappy cards- more money for the massage.

There are lots of good reasons for being single, those of which cannot be celebrated in the most conventional means.  Our culture continues to perpetuate the myth that being satisfied with our lives includes having fulfillment in a relationship.

Doing what makes you happy is obviously the best way to offer your unique gifts to the world and to live a genuinely healthy existence, and sometimes this path doesn’t lead towards long-term fulfillment in relationships.  Don’t forget that the most complex and important relationship that we have is with ourselves and that we must remain true to ourselves in order to feel whole and complete about our lives.

How have you celebrated Valentine’s solo-style? 

 

About Joe Elliott:    Joe received his undergraduate degree from Naropa University in Psychology and Religious Studies and his Masters in Counseling from Regis University in Denver.  He completed a Post-Graduate Certificate in Marriage and Family Therapy from The Denver Family Institute.  Joe has been a student of world religions and has practiced mindfulness for the past fifteen years.  He has also taught a course in Family Therapy to students at  Metro State University and provides consultation on Family Therapy to non-profit organizations.

Share
Comments ( 6 )

5 Ways to Treat Your Valentine That Don’t Cost a Dime

couple holding hands

The season of love has arrived, whether or not you have recovered from your holiday spending or not.  While society may tell us jewelry, flowers and the wine and dine effect are the way to go, we have 5 easy ways you can treat your partner that will make a meaningful impact- and not impact your pocket.

1.  Pull out old photos and stick them all over your fridge.  What better surprise than to be getting your coffee and see Memory Lane right before you?  It will spark reminiscent conversations, laughs and leave you with a glow of gratitude as you head off for the day.

2.  Start doing a chore you know they dislike. Acts of service are the primary love language for many people.  Simply doing the laundry, taking the trash or cleaning out the car can leave your partner feeling less overwhelmed and pampered at the same time.

3.  Meditate together.  The saying “The couple that prays together, stays together” has validity.  When you make an effort to connect spiritually with one another, that strengthens your bond beyond physical world measures.  If it is your first time doing so, start out by making it personal.  Have each person make a list of three things they are grateful for in their counterpart.  Light candles, dim the lights and get your zen on.

4. Give a heartfelt compliment. Nothing cheesy here.  Simply think about something your partner has done that registers with you.  Maybe you’ve noticed they’ve been working really hard at work or been running the kids around a lot – tell them you notice and admire they’re go-get-em’ attitude.

5. Revert to childlike gift-giving. Found a four-leaf clover while walking the dog?  Couple it with a motivational quote and place on your partner’s nightstand.  You could also spell something sweet with cereal on the table before they make their way into the kitchen one morning.  Finding ways to use things that are already around is not only practical- it’s price efficient.

Really simmer on each suggestion and you will find you are not only giving your significant other a gift, but also gifting yourself the capacity to truly experience the layers of love that get the backseat on Valentine’s Day.

What is something “free” your partner has gifted you with that made a lasting impression? 

 

Share
Comments ( 1 )